Another Letter to Ms. Sally Hansen,

You're going to stop playing with my emotions Sally. First this. Now your latest breakdown in communication. Just when I think I can actually start to love you for something other than your Megashine, Insta-Dri and Quencher you fall back right into your foul ways.

Can you even imagine my delight when I stumble upon a gleaming, virginal display of your new Insta-Dries? Only a desperate seasoned lover of lacquer would have noticed it perched high above their head on top of the pantyhose aisle in Walgreens. Do you know how friggin retarderated amusing I must have looked jumping up and down snatching at bottles of polish? Anyway... I gleefully skipped to the register with my pretties. I was so elated to finally get my hands on one of your new collections. I tucked my wee babes (and they are wee... WTH is up with that?) into my purse and rode my new polish high all the way home. As I prepared for my mani, the excitement built. I couldn't wait to bless my tips with your Uptown Plum. I removed cuticles, applied my Nailtek and opened the Uptown Plum. And I only had one question...



WHAT. THE. HOT. STINKY. MESS. SALLY?

Can you please tell me what am I supposed to do with that mamma creepin brush? It's the size of a flippin boat oar! And it's stiff... And not in a good way! What do you think I'm polishing, elephant's backsides? I felt like a 5 thumbed monkey trying to polish my nails. I searched hi and lo for this? It's like waiting for a "commitment" before you have sexy time just to find out he can't sexy time his way outta a wet paper bag with a map and a knife! OOOH!

Watch your back Sally. If I see you in the streets we're gonna tussle.

Oh... And between you and I... the colors aren't even that original. Pretty... just done before. And with a better brush might I add. But I was fine with the lack of originality... I just needed to have something from one of your recent collections. I'm an addict. Don't judge me.

Oh... And I'm taking these sons of stinky messes back (well... maybe I'll keep one. I already told you not to judge me). I want my money back Sally.

Looking for a reason to love you again,
B.B.