Another Letter to Ms. Sally Hansen,

You're going to stop playing with my emotions Sally. First this. Now your latest breakdown in communication. Just when I think I can actually start to love you for something other than your Megashine, Insta-Dri and Quencher you fall back right into your foul ways.

Can you even imagine my delight when I stumble upon a gleaming, virginal display of your new Insta-Dries? Only a desperate seasoned lover of lacquer would have noticed it perched high above their head on top of the pantyhose aisle in Walgreens. Do you know how friggin retarderated amusing I must have looked jumping up and down snatching at bottles of polish? Anyway... I gleefully skipped to the register with my pretties. I was so elated to finally get my hands on one of your new collections. I tucked my wee babes (and they are wee... WTH is up with that?) into my purse and rode my new polish high all the way home. As I prepared for my mani, the excitement built. I couldn't wait to bless my tips with your Uptown Plum. I removed cuticles, applied my Nailtek and opened the Uptown Plum. And I only had one question...



WHAT. THE. HOT. STINKY. MESS. SALLY?

Can you please tell me what am I supposed to do with that mamma creepin brush? It's the size of a flippin boat oar! And it's stiff... And not in a good way! What do you think I'm polishing, elephant's backsides? I felt like a 5 thumbed monkey trying to polish my nails. I searched hi and lo for this? It's like waiting for a "commitment" before you have sexy time just to find out he can't sexy time his way outta a wet paper bag with a map and a knife! OOOH!

Watch your back Sally. If I see you in the streets we're gonna tussle.

Oh... And between you and I... the colors aren't even that original. Pretty... just done before. And with a better brush might I add. But I was fine with the lack of originality... I just needed to have something from one of your recent collections. I'm an addict. Don't judge me.

Oh... And I'm taking these sons of stinky messes back (well... maybe I'll keep one. I already told you not to judge me). I want my money back Sally.

Looking for a reason to love you again,
B.B.

I'm Calling Shaningans and Buffonery on the Philly PETA Folks!

Mr. Brown and I spent Black Friday window shopping in downtown Philadelphia. It was great! I truly and dearly miss all of the hustle and bustle of my hometown so I was in my element. Bobbing and weaving. Ooohing and ahhing. Shaking my head at the redonkulous prices of a cup of coffee nowadays...

All was going well until we arrived at the Burberry store on 17th and Walnut streets. There were about 7 ultra-loud individuals protesting about Burberry using animal fur in some of it's designs. While I don't see things eye to eye with PETA, I respect them for taking a stance and standing up for what they believe in. It takes cajones to stand by your beliefs, no matter how unpopular they may be.

I'm calling out the Philly chapter of PETA out for their utter hypocrisy and foul mouthed ignorance! They broke out the bull horns and the crudely made cardboard signs protest the use of fur as inhumane and cruel while wearing leather shoes! So Philly PETA, you mean to tell me that Chuck the chinchilla is highly pissed that you want to use him as vest but Basil the bull is cool with being your new sneaks? Ummmm.... Yeah, whatever.... LOGIC FAIL PETA!

The protest chants also used several swear words. Great! Everyone knows that the gratuitous dropping of F-bombs in front of God and everyone is a great way to convince people that you are not just some neo-hippie-tree hugger with nothing of any use to contribute to society. Yup... Ingnorant, potty mouths with bull horns is exactly what I want to expose my children to.

I feel the need to also point out that the Burberry store didn't even have any fur items in stock! I know that Burberry has used fur in several of it's pieces but it just seems foolish to protest about fur in front of a store that doesn't have any inside. We aren't even going to get into the fact that directly across the street from Burberry is a Jaques Ferber boutique. A wonderful local chain that has taken fur fashions to whole 'notha level. I understand that Burberry is an international company while Ferber is much more local so PETA calls themselves going for the big fish... It was just very interesting to see in person. Lets protest this strore that currently has no fur inside because it's well known but turn a blind eye to the one that has enough mink to support a small country because no one knows about it... Way to stand up PETA!

Yeah Philly Peta you get the WTF face for being foul mouthed buffoons in leather shoes!


Oh... and to the chick in the blue skully that thought it was ok to call me a whore because I my coat has fox trim... Whatevs... I may be a whore but I am a very warm one with an unforgivingly fabulous coat. Take my advice... Don't turn your protests into personal attacks or else you may end up catching an open-handed smack to the mouth like your short, effeminate compadre.

B.B.

Sally Hanson Needs More People

Ya'll know that I am polish fiend. I have been dying to get my hands on some of the most recent LE collections from Sally Hansen. These beauties have been spotted all over the country but I have yet to see them. I swear Connecticut is where beauty products come to die. Beauty product hell has a zip code and I live smack dab in the middle of it. I decided that I may get somewhere by calling Sally Hansen's customer service. This is the conversation I had:

Me: Hi. I am calling to find out is there are any stores in my neck of the woods that carry the LE collections.

CS: They don't ship until Nov 24.

Me: What? What doesn't ship until Nov 24th? My friends have seen the new Runway collection all over the country for weeks now.

CS: Well I don't know... But my system is telling me the ship date is Nov 24.

Me. Well that may be the date that the *next* collection comes out but I'm looking for an older collection.

CS: Well that's how LE goes ma'am. Once they are sold out, they are gone.

Me: I understand that but I haven't even seen the collection in any of my local stores at all. None of the SA's have seen it either.

CS: That's because it doesn't ship until Nov 24.

At this point I have to look at the phone to make sure that I haven't slipped through some tarderated worm hole and am now talking to a rubber chicken or something.

Me: *deep breath* Is there any way of finding out if the collection will be shipped to any of my local stores?

CS: No. My system doesn't tell me that.

WTF???

Yes Sally. You are the recipient of the WTF Face! WTF indeed Ms. Hansen. WTF indeed!

B.B.