Greased Up and Socked Down

I was channel surfing and happened to pause on a popular daytime talk show. The topic was beauty secrets and as usual... Most of them were not secret at all. Most of the "secrets" could be found out by thumbing through any number of blogs or magazines. I was about to change the channel until a tip caught my attention.

If you have dry or rough elbows, put Crisco on them and cover them in socks over night.

Ummm.... No ma'am. I'll take ashy elbows for $500 Alex!

A quick google search revealed that there are folks out there that do indeed swear by the greasy goodness of Crisco for dry skin. I'm not at all knocking the efficacy of this "treatment" but I am knocking it's sexy quotient. I mentioned this tip to Mr. Brown and this is the following conversation:

Mr. Brown: Well Momma (Yes... he refers to me as Momma) if someones skin is that dry then I don't blame them for getting their grease on.
Me: Husband (Yes... I call him Husband. Really.) that's some bull stank and you know it.
Mr. Brown: Why? I wouldn't complain if you came to bed slathered down in Crisco.

At this we laugh but the old lady a few feet away seemed a little put off and gave me the hairy eyeball (We were in Walmart. What? You don't talk about slapping on hydrogentated vegetable oil in Walmart?)

Me: Well subtract the rubber sheets, Nasty... and add bicep high tube socks to that equation. Tell me what you think now.
Mr. Brown: Mmm... Yeah. You right. You would have to just have some ashy elbows sweetheart. I'd still love you though.

What ever happened to Aquaphor, Eucerin or just plain ole Vaseline? Am I being siddity? Are there hidden virtues of Crisco that we should be embracing? What say you,


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