The Anti-Conditioner

I have proudly worn natural hair for the better part 12 years (dang, I'm getting old). There have been a few lapses in my hair sanity when I went and relaxed it. The inevitable result was always me looking as I were swung around my feet. I don't do hair. At. All. The good Lord blessed me with boys for a reason. He saw no benefit in me scarring some poor little girl for life by sending her out looking straight jacked!

I have learned a thing or two along away.

Satin sheets are not a substitute for a good, tie on satin bonnet.

A light blond afro may in fact be the new hotness, the almost instantaneous black new growth isn't. Neither is the baldness that results form trying to maintain your new found hotness.

And the most important hair fact...

Conditioner is your friend!

I am always on the look out for a good, cheap conditioner to use for my co-washes (conditioner washes). In the past I have used V05, Cream of Nature, Suave (the naturals line), Aussie (this is one of my faves) and countless others. I heard good things about Suave Professionals Humectant Conditioner and decided to give it a try.



I grabbed it on sale for $2.50. It is regularly priced around $3.50 so it isn't a budget breaker in the least bit. It feel slick to the touch like most conditioners and has a light, unoffensive (also unimpressive) scent. I wet my hair, worked the conditioner through and rinsed it out using cool water. The results-

EPIC FRIGGIN FAIL!

My hair felt like it was stripped! This was something new for me. I had never used a conditioner that made my hair drier. I use a clarifying shampoo once every two months and it feels hella better than it did when using SPHC. I even tried doctoring it by adding some of my own juices and berries (Ha! Remember "Coming to America"?) and it did nothing. This is by far the worst conditioner I have used. I normally really like Suave products too. I guess they all can't be winners.

B.B.

The Glitter Eyeliner With a Death Wish

Maybe it had a secret to desire to live in the trash. It may have needed to feel the warm comfort of a trashcan liner caressing it's plastic. Possibly, it developed a relationship with the receipt while they were traveled home in the same bag...

The debil in blue!

I am not really sure what it's motives were but they had to be something along these lines because Milani's Glitter and Glamour mascara/glitter liner duo went promptly into the garbage within minutes of being opened.

Why?

Because it burns with the heat of 1000 angry suns! Jesus be a cool refreshing squirt of Visine... or a hot poker to said eyeball! Anything to stop the burn!

I was playing with makeup last night and the MEGA blue (yes, it was *that* blue) eye that I was doing practically screamed for the bronze glitter side of the duo I picked up the other day. I applied it to my right lid and before I could even make it to left, my eye began to simmer. Me being the trooper (read as- slave to makeup) that I am said "Meh... It'll go away. I'll just blink a few times". By the time I was finished the left eye, the simmer in the right warmed to a toasty nuclear boil and my eyeball hole had flames shooting out!

An accurate portrayal of my eyes.

You know it's bad when running around in a circle screaming "My eye! My eye"! brings no relief what so ever. Because you know that always works...

The glitter liner o' death... Okay, maybe not death but definitely temporary blindness and eye hole flaming.... Ended up in the trash can next to it's beloved receipt. I hope they have a long and prosperous life together.

B.B.

Photo source here and here.